Remember this? Here I Go Again
One year ago today, I walked into the Weight Watchers At-Work meeting to weigh-in for the “first time” again. I am happy to report it was my LAST “first time” and I made changes that started that day and stuck with them now for a year.
One year ago on November 1 (tomorrow) I went to my first CrossFit workout. I had surgery six weeks before and had abided by the “no lifting” restrictions. But I was cleared and ready to go. I remember that workout like it was a year ago. 🙂 We did back squats. We did Cleans. And I was oh-so-very sore all weekend long. (I also came down with Strep that weekend, which was not so fun.)
Today, I reread several of my posts over the past year and I link them for you now:
- The one where I reached my 10% weight loss goal
- The recap post where I was getting close to reaching goal
- The one where I talk about the other weight loss program
- The one where I reflect on myself before and after
- The one where I talk about why I CrossFit
Tomorrow, I will compete in my first CrossFit Competition. I’m nervous. But it’s the good kind of nervous. I am entered in the scaled division and I just hope to do the very best I can and see how it goes.
As I think about this past year the main thing that comes to mind is my focus on maintaining these changes I have made. AS my initial “Here I Go Again” post mentions…I had always been an active person, but the food was my problem. I’m not going to lie, even with the changes I made this year, the food is still my problem. It’s something I cannot ever let myself become mindless to ever again. I will forever need to keep track of the food I eat on a daily basis. I will forever need to regroup after my inevitable falls “off the wagon” and get back to tracking.
Actually, I’ve been “off the wagon” for about four weeks now. It’s just been crazy with our schedule and Craig’s new job. I’m hopeful I can get back on now. Does that mean that I’ve gained 15 pounds? No. But it means that if I don’t get it in check, I might. Does that mean I haven’t worked out? Nope. Still haven’t had more than a 2-day layoff for exercise in a year. But the exercise isn’t the problem.
I recently reviewed the time since November 1 to see about workouts and was pleased to see that it was true that I had not had more than two days in a row with no formal/vigorous exercise since then. Even when we had a 2-day road trip for our vacation, when we arrived at my sister’s, I headed out for a 5K just to get something in on that 2nd day. I try not to obsess, however, my anxiety kicks up if I start thinking I won’t be able to get a workout in if I didn’t get one the day before.
In the last few months, I’ve had some interesting internal struggles with what I’ve done and how it impacts my family. First of all, there’s no question I am healthier and a better mom when I feel good about myself — both my actual health and my appearance. Secondly, I know I’m showing my kids what a healthy life looks like and I’m proud of that. The struggle comes in where the potential for weight-related problems rears its head with my kids. My kids are growing right now and are active and make (for the most part) healthy choices in the kitchen. But it was recently pointed out to me what my transformation in the past year may look like to them — especially my Helen, who wants so much to be like me in all ways. I believe my kids are proud of me for making healthy changes, but I worry that my girls (especially my girls) gain or retain some part of MY insecurity with weight and body image by seeing me work so hard to change my own weight/body to fit something I am happy with. This is a real concern. I want my girls to know they are beautiful no matter what. I worry that because they’ve watched this transformation over the past year, that they may think that I don’t think I am beautiful no matter what. So, that’s probably a post for another day. But it’s something I’ve had on my heart for a few weeks.
For today, I am going to celebrate. I’m going to celebrate the fact that my weight is in a healthy range, that my cholesterol (both the good and the bad) are in optimal ranges, that my resting heart rate is fantastic and that my blood pressure is excellent. Today, I celebrate the fact that I know eating a cookie is not going to derail my health because I know to limit my intake to just one (or two! haha) and not eat the whole box. Today, I celebrate that I understand how processed foods and sugars impact my body and I know how to make healthy and moderate choices on those. I celebrate the fact that I can Back Squat 185 pounds; I can Front Squat 145 pounds; I can Hang Squat Clean 130 pounds; I can do good-form “perfect” push-ups to the tune of 10 at a time; I can do unassisted kipping pull-ups. I could go on, but I won’t. I feel so empowered from all the goals I have reached in the last year and for that, I am grateful and I want to celebrate it.
Many of you have sent me congratulations and celebrated my success over this past year. Thank you for that. I knew that I needed a lot of accountability and checks to keep me going and I appreciate that you all agreed to help me with that.
My journey is still far from over, though. Because I believe the hard part is in the maintenance. Yes, losing weight is hard — I’m not going to deny that. But I’m discovering that maintaining those changes when the weight is gone can be its own kind of incredible struggle. When the focus is not so much on losing and you can widen your lens-of-life and look at more things everyday — taking the time and the part of your lens to continue to focus on your health still takes effort. Some days that effort is easier than others. But no matter what, I must continue to focus on maintaining these healthy changes.
My focus continues to be on these main things:
- Tracking my food in a food diary
- Exercise most days of the week (this typically means one true rest day per week and sometimes two rest days per week, depending on the schedule…usually NOT two days in a row if I can help it)
- Stick to the Paleo philosophy most of the time
So, I’m going to allow myself a “Birthday” Treat — if you will.
My New/Healthy Life is 1-year-old today.