I don’t have much to say other than…Getting back on Paleo right now is not happening.
I’d let that be the end of this post, but that’s too Twitter/Facebook-ey of me. I guess I knew I didn’t have the right mindset for it right now. Thursday will be six weeks since my surgery and that means I can get back to Crossfit workouts. Yay.
Thursday also brings an opportunity to attend the next Weight Watchers at Work meeting.
I think I gotta go back to the Weight Watchers meetings. I’m like that undisciplined kid that needs an accountability check every 7 days and the only way I think I can make myself do it long-term, if at all, is to get myself to the WW at work meetings. I am always successful the first 6 weeks or so when I am on plan. I track diligently, I attend the meetings. I am a good little Weight Watcher.
Then…I drop 10% of my body weight and i start thinking I can do it all by myself and I drop off…
And it’s not long before I’m right back where I started.
Many much-smarter people than I could write pages and pages about concupiscence, and human tendencies and how they scream for the void to be filled with the only thing that can fill voids — God. But I’m not going to go there. I know I lack in my prayer life and I know I lack in my faith. And I promise to keep trying to fix those things while I work to lose weight.
But I also seriously lack in the self-discipline department. I feel like such a fraud when people tell me how “good” I am that I get out there and exercise. It’s kind of weird to say…”Well, the exercise is the easy part for me — the hard part is the eating.”
Because when it comes down to it — eating is my problem. I eat too much and I eat too often. I eat when I’m bored and I eat because I’m sad. I eat because it’s lunch time and then I eat because it’s dinner time and I eat because it’s snack time. Then I eat because it tastes too damn good not to eat it.
I have long since passed the point where I am able to exercise off the amount I eat and that is the problem I must face. I honestly don’t think it’s the WHAT that I eat. It truly is the HOW MUCH and HOW OFTEN. It is also the WHY.
If I would just stop to think about WHY I felt like eating before I popped another mouthful of food in my mouth, a number of things might happen. I might…
- cry because I’d stop to think about WHY and realize that I am sad or depressed or desperate and food was going to make me feel better
- hyperventilate, because stopping to think about WHY might help me remember I already ate 4 meals that day
- pound my fist on something hard, because the physical pain might then drown the emotional pain I feel that I was hoping to drown in food
So. Yeah. Part of me wants to continue to blame my problem on the unhealthy body image I’ve always had and the unhealthy food associations I made growing up the way I did.
But. No. It’s time I realize that I’m an adult who has some issues and I can no longer keep turning to food for my fix.
So, tomorrow, on Thursday, I am going to go to the At Work WW meeting and weigh in (yet again) for the “first” time and try to do this thing. I won’t report more about it until next Wednesday, which I plan to call, going forward, Weight Watchers Wednesdays.
Starting next week, you can expect a post every Wednesday that will give the rundown of what the previous Thursday’s weigh-in was, the focus of the meeting, My weekly PointsPlus target, some of the things I did that week to stay within my PointsPlus target and my exercise (I’ll try to translate to the Activity PointsPlus). I will also give a little info on how I felt that week (was it difficult? was it easy? was it comfortable? was I proud? was I a stinkin’ mess? You know…)
I have no idea if this interests anyone, but my plan is to do it until I get six weeks past hitting my goal weight (which means I would attain Lifetime status with WW). I think I just need the motivation to keep going with it and maybe comments from readers (hint hint — if you read my posts, please feel free to comment and encourage me 🙂 ) will keep me going on it.
Something has got to keep me going anyway.
I’ll still blog other things, of course, but Wednesdays will be for Weight Watchers. 🙂