Anxiety and Peace

Pregnancy can be filled with anxiety.  Especially in the early weeks.  Before I published last week’s post, I was starting to feel happiness and anticipation about this baby — which is why I just decided to let the whole world in on the news. 

But then, Tuesday came the next day.  Along with some cramping.  It wasn’t “oh-I’m-doubled-over-in-pain” cramping.  But it was “hmmm-that-wasn’t-like-that-before” cramping.  And then it was “this-is-ever-present-and-not-going-away” cramping.  So, I called the doctor and he recommended another blood draw the next day, which was Wednesday.  My doctor is not in the office on Wednesdays.  So, I knew results would have to come after that day.

Finally on Friday morning, I called and left a message for the nurse and Friday night, my doctor called with the (un) expected news that my progesterone level had plummeted in 2 weeks. Since we were out of town, we decided to get through the weekend with Prometrium suppositories and Craig would get a refresher on administering injections today.

Hence, there has been some anxiety within my heart for the past 72 hours.  Thankfully, I’m not someone who acts out anxiety with any sort of frantic measures and I am able to keep it mainly self-contained.  Perhaps it is because I have been here before.  Regardless, it is by the Grace of God I am not consumed by it.

I asked our priest to administer the Annointing of the Sick for me because of my progesterone-deficiency-induced state of risk.  I asked him to do it 2 years ago when I was pregnant with Vincent under similar circumstances and it brought peace as I finished out the first trimester and moved on to the point where my body wasn’t responsible for producing the progesterone required to maintain the pregnancy.  Today, receiving the Sacrament brought peace again.  We’re not out of the woods of course, and we have to do our part by administering the injections. 

There is something relaxing and peaceful about the prayer said at the beginning of the Rite, the oil administered to my forehead and hands, the laying of the priest’s hands to my head and the blessing that follows.  I think it goes without saying that God knew what He was doing when He instituted these Sacraments as a physical way for us to experience His mercy and love.  We as Catholics are so blessed to have these physical encounters with Christ in those times we need to feel His presence the most.

And so, while the anxiety may very well return — perhaps later today as we administer the first of the injections — I will attempt to return also to this state of Peace made available to me through the Sacraments of my faith. 

I will offer up the anxiety and suffering that may result for all of those struggling to conceive or suffering from miscarriage.  I pray that by uniting my suffering with that of our Lord on the Cross, the good of the relief of suffering and struggle from infertility may be achieved.


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